ADVICE ON GETTING PUBLISHED

1. The Artists and Writers Yearbook is a good starting point, but also have a look in bookshops. Find books and authors you think your stuff's similar to and write to those publishers too.

2. Write to both publishers and agents. Sum up the book and why anyone would want to read it in a paragraph, then also enclose a synopsis (100 words or so), and your first couple of chapters and, most importantly of all, a self-addressed SAE.

3. Write to two or three publishers a week so that it becomes a routine. Midweek's best as they would've sorted through the pile that arrived over the weekend by then and can give yours a fraction of a second longer to look at than Monday when they were hung over. Keep a record of everyone you write to and when. A highlighter pen and dates scribbled all over The Writers' and Artists' is easiest.

4. Publishers and agents get inundated with manuscripts every day and often delegate going through them to someone quite junior. This person will glance at the letters and if anything catches their eye, they'll read the synopsis. If they like this, they'll read the sample chapters. If they like these, they'll show the lot to their boss who do the same thing, so your letter and synopsis are really important. They're the hooks that grab the attention. If your book is rejected by everyone, come up with a new title, letter and synopsis and send it out again. Sometimes publishers will request to see a book they like the sound of after they've already rejected it, if you just change these three things.

5. Obviously, if you have any famous or published author mates, try and get them to review your work (just the first chapter or so) and give you a quote you can use on your letter.

6. One-off novels by first time writers are almost always going to be rejected. The Burglar Diaries was by every publisher and agent in the Yearbook. It was only when I wrote a follow up and proposed a series did I get any interest. See, no matter how good, funny or well-written your book is, few people will buy it because few people will know about it. First time novelists usually have a print run of just 3,000 books and most are lucky to sell even half of them because it's the author's name that sells, not the book title. So if a publisher takes you on, it will be as a hope for the future that book by book your name will grow and they'll start to make money on you. Have a direction and spell it out in your covering letter. This is the most important advice I can offer. Publishers love series.

7. Don't be tempted by vanity publishing. All you get for your money is a box of books you can show your mates. You'll have to do all the marketing yourself (ie. going around bookshops, selling online, etc), vanity publishers don't do this side of things and even if they did, bookshops wouldn't touch them.

8. Don't go expecting a great deal of money for your labours. First time authors are typically paid small sums for their first book. As each book comes out though, you get a little more there and then a little more again, and then some royalties here and a foreign sale there and a bit of film interest maybe and a few years down the line, if you're lucky, you can jack in your job – which is what we all dream about.

9. Lots of publishers like to jump on the band wagon so if there's anything out there at the moment that's hot and similar to your stuff, mention this. If you've written a book about some four-eyed kid who finds he has to go to magic school, make the connection in your letter. One of the questions publishers always ask on their author questionnaires is what other authors are you like.

10. Publisher like PR/marketing/advertising/journalist authors because they're able to drum up a little publicity for themselves via their work/friends/connections. If you have such a job or friends with such jobs, it might be a good idea to mention these. I was working as a journalist all the time I was sending my manuscripts off (I was actually sub-editor on a porn magazine) so I was able to offer something on the reviews side.

11. Grow a thick skin. I have a huge box file of rejection letters (over 200 going back 5-6 years) that I keep to remind myself of what it took.

12. Good luck.